Always
by Roxy2
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a whirlwind romance only to be cut short by death. *CHAPTER 4* now posted!
1. It All Turns To Dust

Title: Always  
  
Author: Roxy  
  
Spoilers: No spoilers, just a thought that has been running through my mind quite a bit. more like a day dream. It's kind of sad.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" belongs to UPN, and Joss Whendon.  
  
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a whirlwind romance only to be cut short by death. Hope you all enjoy this one!  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Feedback: OH! please! I need the stuff... makes me write faster. Tell me if you all want me to continue on this fic! Spoon feed me anything... even if you hate this fic... tell me!  
  
The soft kiss lingered on Dawn's lips, its burning sensation entirely consuming her whole. The thing was she knew this was wrong,, no matter how much she wanted it to be right, she knew it was wrong. She swallowed hard not yet ready to pull away from him.  
  
What would they all think, she wondered, not wanting to see the look on her sister's face. Buffy had been through this. But Buffy had used Spike; she never loved him. She never could love him, but Dawn could and did. Buffy had had a fling with Spike, but it wasn't real like this. To Dawn this was real. The kiss was real, so was the sex. The way Spike touched her, caressed her like a delicate doll, the way he twirled her dark hair around his fingers when he made love to her. It was all real, Dawn could tell.  
  
"Spike..." She would whisper to him burning inside and outside, needing him so much that it pained her when he left.  
  
"Pet..." He would say as he looked deep into her eyes, "I love you."  
  
"How much?" She would ask, and he would ultimately reply with, "As much as the stars in the sky can hold. Always." Dawn had a thing for whirlwind secrets and romances, and Spike spoon-fed her the stuff.  
  
Spike used to leave every other week, so there would be no suspicion. He didn't much like the attention.  
  
Lately, Dawn had acquired a job at the Magic Box, something to keep her busy both mentally and physically. It had all gone all right, and Dawn knew something bad might happen. Life usually altered between Good and Bad.  
  
Dawn's heart pounded as the Magic Box's door flung open nearly tearing of the bell above it. She spun around quickly only to see Spike running through the door in such a frantic that it could only be one thing. An apocalypse. The stench of death was almost overpowering.  
  
"Spike!" Dawn cried out so loudly that the others in the Magic Box turned to look. Buffy, Xander, Willow, Giles and Anya looked between the frantic teenager and the vampire. Dawn didn't care anymore, she started at that moment, she didn't care if they all knew, she rushed over to the bleeding and bruised Spike. Her head spun, she was so dizzy.  
  
She took the dying vampire in her arms, this was her apocalypse, tears ran down her cheeks slowly, the salt infecting her inner wounds. She slipped with him down to the floor. She had never told him that she loved him, she was too afraid to let anyone in. Everything she touched died, even now the living dead.  
  
Dawn stroked Spike's platinum blond hair back, out of his face. For the others, confusion left them, and that confusion was replaced with a dull aching. Buffy was in shock, her face expression showed it. Dawn and Spike? How unreal was that? How long had it been? A sort of anger boiled inside her, but the anger disappeared nearly completely when she saw her little sister's face. Buffy knew what it was like to hold the dead.  
  
"What happened?" Dawn whispered so softly to Spike that it was barely audible, but the fact that her voice was drowned in sorrow and despair made it seem almost as if it didn't matter at all what she said.  
  
Spike reached up towards her face with a hand to wipe her tears away. He wouldn't answer her, he wouldn't speak. Her lower lip started to tremble, then her body did too, "You'll be fine." She told him more to convince herself then him.  
  
"No Dawn..." He choked out, "No... I won't." This furiated her.  
  
"You are not going to die on me! I won't let you." Dawn said in a determination.  
  
"Sorry to break it to you Nibblet, I've been dead along time."  
  
"What about what we have..." She whispered to him, "You told me that made you feel alive."  
  
"It does. It always has. You make me feel alive."  
  
Dawn heart seemed to stop, "And you love me?"  
  
"Always"  
  
"Then don't leave me." She stated through gritted teeth.  
  
"I have to... I do... every day."  
  
"But you come back."  
  
"Not this time."  
  
Her tears flowed smoothly down her face, she held back a sob, "I won't let you go."  
  
"I'm sorry Dawn."  
  
"Don't be sorry!" She said so sharply that a chill ran through the Magic Box, she talked more quietly, "Don't be sorry.... be here.." She barely took a breath.  
  
"Dawn..." He sighed softly as he lost the movement her had once had, his body was slowly fading away.  
  
She looked pale as him, and horrified, "But... but.." She stumbled on words.  
  
Spike listened attentively to Dawn, blue eyes into blue eyes, "I know pet..." He told her softly.  
  
"How can you know when I've never said the words?" She gulped down the bulge in her throat, "How can you?"  
  
"I know."  
  
Spike leaned towards the dark haired beauty and kissed her softly before turning to dust before her eyes. Her heart broke.  
  
"Spike... I love you..." She whispered to the dust, "Always." and then she broke. 


	2. And She Just Can't Breathe

Title: Always  
  
Author: Roxy  
  
Spoilers: No spoilers, just a thought that has been running through my mind quite a bit. more like a day dream. It's kind of sad.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" belongs to UPN, and Joss Whendon.  
  
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a whirlwind romance only to be cut short by death. Hope you all enjoy this one!  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Feedback: OH! please! I need the stuff... makes me write faster. Tell me if you all want me to continue on this fic! Spoon feed me anything... even if you hate this fic... tell me!  
  
Dawn was in shock. She was still and felt as if she couldn't breathe. Maybe she couldn't breath. Maybe she would die. It would be a destiny far better then living without him. She felt a hand on her shoulder, her sister's hand,  
  
"Dawn." Buffy started softly in a whisper that flowed under her breath.  
  
"Don't." Dawn said shaking her head at her sister, "Just. Don't." Dawn tried to keep her voice steady as she talked. Dust covered her from head to toe, Dust that used to be the only one she would love. the only one she would care for. She choked on it, this was never the way Dawn wanted Spike to fill her lungs. The dust was everywhere. She got up quickly not bothering to wipe him off her. Never wanting to cleanse her skin.  
  
Buffy stopped her sister, "Dawn. Wait." She held Dawn by her shoulders to stop her, "We can.. we can help." She tried to explain, but she sounded desperate and exasperated.  
  
It had never meant to be that way, Dawn knew, but she shoved her sister away almost roughly. She didn't want to be touched let alone told that they could help her. Buffy hadn't even understood the situation, probably even thought that it was wrong that she loved a vampire, wrong to take after her older sister.  
  
"Get away." Dawn's voice was hoarse, as Buffy was unbalanced and fell to the floor looking intensely at her little sister.  
  
Tears stung Dawn's eyes, she wouldn't apologize, she couldn't cry, not now at least. She had to be together and find what ever did this to Spike. She would find it and track it down and kill it. She would bring justice to their lives once more, but she would still feel so empty.  
  
She couldn't breathe, she had to find someway out of the shop and quickly. Dawn could almost swear that she'd pass out if she didn't. Dawn tugged harshly at the Magic Box's door until she realised that she had to push and not pull.  
  
She cursed silently under her breath. How could she have been so stupid? Had they been uncareful? Left too many trails behind? Had they been too obvious? Questions flooded her mind, the only thing that was keeping her sane at the moment.  
  
She stepped outside of the Magic Box, into the black of the night, into the cold. Dawn had always liked the cold, nearly thrived on it, but then again it was like she could never be chilled, but she was chilled now, right to the bone. The harsh winter's wind tugged at her jacket and threatened to nip at her smooth, unflawed skin.  
  
The air filled Dawn's lungs, she didn't breathe though, she wasn't going to breathe again, not voluntary at least. The tears came again burning in her eyes, she knew that one day she would have to let them out. They blurred her vision as a mournful cry ripped through the air, one Dawn hardly recognized as her own. She put her hands immediately to her face angry with herself for everything that had happen. Things she thought just maybe she would have been able to stop.  
  
She beat her hand against the clear glass of the Magic Box's window, it shattered over her hand cutting her, making her bleed, and she let the blood flow, but not to the ground, that was an apocalypse she would never want to re-live.  
  
Buffy flinched as the glass shattered. She had lied, she couldn't help Dawn, not for this at least. Not this time. A pang of guilt flashed quickly across Buffy's face.  
  
"Giles." Buffy started, "What can we do for Dawn? I mean look at her." She whispered, "She's. Broken."  
  
Giles nodded just slightly, he wouldn't tell Buffy that he had known the whole time through, that he had found them literally loving each other in the moonlight on the dewed grass between the graves of the cemetery. He wouldn't tell Buffy the shock he had been in, and how he had confronted Dawn later. He would never tell Buffy about the tears he saw shed in the girl's eyes and how she had begged him to promise her that he wouldn't tell a soul. Most of all, he would never tell Buffy that he knew from the start that Dawn and Spike were right for each other.  
  
Giles sighed softly before answering Buffy, "We can give her space. If we were to follow her." He paused, "We can only offer our help Buffy, but we cannot force it upon her. Dawn's very upset right now, we can only be there so much for her, only as much as she wants us to be."  
  
"Giles is right," Willow quipped, "I mean Dawnie is hurting right now. We've all been through that kind of hurt.. All of us." Willow glanced around the room at each of them. Tara had been taken from her own life years earlier. Even Giles had lost more so then they all knew; Jenny Calendar, Joyce Summers, and even though the group of them had been his children rather then his loves, he had lost them each one by one at some point of time, not just by death.  
  
Xander glanced towards Anya, they had more then hurt each other, and he blamed himself entirely for what had happened between them still. She had long forgiven him.  
  
None of them could predict the future, none of them would know the next move. That's why they were all breaking apart. Piece by piece inside. Dawn had been the only one who had been all together, sane, and seemingly stable. How wrong had they been.  
  
The silence in the Magic Box was nearly deafening, as the group had no words to speak to each other, or too many thoughts they were terrified to speak. 


	3. Guilt Is In Her Veins

Title: Always  
  
Author: Roxy  
  
Spoilers: No spoilers, just a thought that has been running through my mind quite a bit. more like a day dream. It's kind of sad.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" belongs to UPN, and Joss Whendon.  
  
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a whirlwind romance only to be cut short by death. Hope you all enjoy this one!  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Feedback: OH! please! I need the stuff... makes me write faster. Tell me if you all want me to continue on this fic! Spoon feed me anything... even if you hate this fic... tell me! I hope you all really like this chapter. I sure do!  
  
  
  
The silence was deafening as Dawn made her way through the night to a destination she knew not yet. She too had too many thoughts she was terrified to speak as she clutched her bleeding hand to her chest staining her white shirt in the process. She looked up and around finding herself at the graveyard. Instantly memories came flooding back to her.  
  
Sunnydale 2004  
  
Dawn walked into Sunnydale's main cemetery, she passed all the familiar graves silently saying her good-byes to each one of them as she had done every night since she had started patrolling. Dawn loved patrolling. She loved the smell of the moonlight when it rose into the sky, and the way her shoes hardly made a sound as she walked down each row of the graves. She loved the power she'd feel inside as she dusted vampires, and battle demons.  
  
Dawn bathed in the moonlight as she walked deeper into the cemetery, an eerie feeling ran down her spine as she passed the place where Spike's crypt used to stand. She herself had burnt it down, crushing the pieces that didn't burn, it had been out of pure anger. Spike had left Sunnydale, Spike had left her, but that was years ago, and Dawn could still feel the anger inside.  
  
Dawn felt movement behind her; dead movement. She spun around kicking it in the gut. As the vampire groaned in pain Dawn pinned it to the ground, practically straddling it in the process. She raised her stake into the air, ready for the kill, that when she noticed its eyes. Blue eyes; bright and clear, platinum blond hair, the same distinctive jaw shape. God, it was Spike. He was back.  
  
"Spike?" She whispered in shock getting quickly off of him. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest.  
  
"Dawn?" Spike seemed to be in just as much as shock as she was. Dawn had changed, defiantly not a little girl anymore, "What are you doing here? You know you could kill someone with that thing." He commented starting to stand.  
  
Dawn chuckled softly to herself, "I do kill with this thing." She felt that rush of anger, "I kill people not too unlike yourself. What are you doing here Spike?"  
  
Spike looked at her, "Well I came home." He said simply getting the feeling that he wasn't welcomed.  
  
Dawn kept on her stiff upper lip, "As long as you don't get in my way..." She pushed him aside seeing a vamp rise behind him, she dusted him with ease and it showed.  
  
Spike smiled. "Impressive." He said. "And it is you who's in my cemetery."  
  
Dawn didn't smile at him, she wouldn't show him any emotion, "It hasn't been your cemetery for a while, Spike. It belongs to the people who lie here." She huffed blowing off some steam.  
  
Spike looked at her. "Well if you're not happy to see me, all you had to do was bloody say so." He said and turned walking away from her.  
  
Dawn gazed back at Spike, "You left... You left us all alone, I used to think you cared at least a little, but no... I guess you can't. you're just dead inside aren't you. You have this bark that's worse then your bite. You really are soulless aren't you?" She said to him sharply intentionally trying to hurt him the way he had hurt her, she turned away not wanting to show any tears, she thought she had cried all those tears long ago, but the feelings still existed for her. They burned inside of her.  
  
Spike turned back to Dawn, "You have no idea why I left, don't assume things you don't know."  
  
"Don't assume things! Don't assume things!" Dawn raged, "Why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to assume? I mean you leave... for years! It's like you don't even care, and I have to assume that's true, because If you were standing in my shoes you'd assume the same thing. You promised me you would stay. You promised me a lot of things... and you backed out. What else should I assume?" Dawn quickly wiped a tear away, not wanting to let him see her break down. She couldn't be the first one to crack, it was just that way.  
  
Spike looked at her carefully, she was really one hell of a spitfire, "You shouldn't just assume I don't have a soul, luv."  
  
Dawn was still angry, but stopped when she heard his words, "You have a soul?" She sounded surprised, but wouldn't let down her guard yet, "Well... Good.. I mean... I hope you hurt now."  
  
"You don't think that leaving you hurt?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Oh.. yeah... Hurt you like hell." Dawn muttered.  
  
Spike looked at her intensely, "So you want me to hurt until you get used to the fact that I'm here now?"  
  
"Might know how I'm feeling about now.." Dawn commented harshly.  
  
"Then just leave me alone." He stated.  
  
"Hey... I didn't bug you in the first place, I'm just getting my job done!" Dawn said.  
  
"So then. Nibblet. Slay me." He said opening his trench coat and showing her his bare flesh.  
  
Dawn didn't expect that, she drew back a little, hating and loving him at the same time, her eyes traveled down his cold flesh.  
  
Spike looked at her, "Are you going to do it? Or are you not meant to be a slayer?"  
  
Dawn looked at Spike, with the same baby blue eyes she had look at him earlier, "It's not the same when they just give up."  
  
"You rather me put up a fight." He commented, almost amazed at the girl's stubbornness. "To the death." She stated, so sure of herself. A spark showed in her eyes, the same spark in his.  
  
"Fine then." Spike smiled softly, almost playfully.  
  
Dawn's blue eyes match into Spike's own, she watches him carefully, still as death herself. She swallows slightly feeling like she's not able to breathe or like her heart has stopped. She makes the first move flipping him over a grave, she smiles victoriously already.  
  
Spike pulls her down with him, so they both get covered with the dirt, She looks at him shocked yet again as he gently reaches up to touch her face, caressing her cheek with his fingertips. Goosebumps rise quickly onto her skin, she doesn't pull away. He makes her feel.  
  
What was he trying to do to her? Drive her insane by touching her but not really touching her? Her heart continues to pound in her chest. Dawn leans in close to Spike surprised by her own words, she leans in closer to him so her own lips just brush his, she gave a slightly breathy sigh, "I want you Spike."  
  
The words quickly rush over him with a kind of pleasure he hadn't felt before. As he felt the warmth of her breath on his lips he found it too difficult to resist. Spike pressed his lips to hers savoring the feeling.  
  
Sunnydale 2005: Back to the present  
  
Dawn entered the new crypt Spike had been staying in. She noted how things had been unusually disturbed. A glass of bourbon spilt on the floor. Sure, He hadn't been the cleanest vamp, but he never left things messed up like this. Had there been a fight? A struggle before ultimately his death?  
  
An unusual stench filled the air, it wasn't death, she turned around curiously noticing a broken bottle in the corner, Dawn picked up the pieces that were still in tact, and she read the label.  
  
Killer of the dead. The same poison that nearly killed Angel. How Ironic, Dawn could have laughed and cried at the same time. He had been murdered, hunted down like the animal he was, but the worst thing was that she could have saved him. Guilt flowed freely through her veins, her blood had been the cure. Blood of a slayer.  
  
She was tempted to smear the poison into her own cut, knowing that poison was poison it killed anything, she imagined her own death far more poetic though. Not so Romeo and Juliet, but the again, Spike and herself had no comparison to those characters other then the fact that they were from two different places, and their love ultimately forbidden.  
  
And then it hit her. Hard.  
  
Dawn knew exactly who killed Spike. 


	4. Seeing Red

Title: Always  
  
Author: Roxy  
  
Spoilers: No spoilers, just a thought that has been running through my mind quite a bit. more like a day dream. It's kind of sad.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" belongs to UPN, and Joss Whendon.  
  
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a whirlwind romance only to be cut short by death. Hope you all enjoy this one!  
  
Rating: PG-13 - R (This chapter contains a flashback to "Seeing Red" If the scene between Buffy and Spike disturbs you I suggest that you do not read the scene.)  
  
Feedback: OH! please! I need the stuff... makes me write faster. Tell me if you all want me to continue on this fic! Spoon feed me anything... even if you hate this fic... tell me! I hope you all really like this chapter. I sure do!  
  
"You're right Will." Xander started, looking to the redhead, breaking the silence that filled the room, "We all know you're right about us all losing someone." He clarified, "Only this times it's different. We should have known about this.. We should have expected-"  
  
"Expected. Expected Dawn and Spike.." Buffy interrupted laughing almost painfully, "I don't know about you Xander, but I would have never expected that one. never." She stressed, taking out a broom and a dust pan out of the closet in the back room. Buffy came out holding the items close at hand, she leaned over the small pile of dust on the floor, and swept the remains of the vampire into the dust pan.  
  
The others watched her incredulously, the way she took him into the dust pan so carefully, Buffy was careful not to spill the dust on herself. Then she slowly walked to the entrance door, her concentration ever steady, even as the bell at the top of the door rang when she opened the door, she never flinched.  
  
Buffy's heart skipped a beat as she flung the pan outside into the air, letting the wind carry Spike away. Buffy stood there for a long moment, almost if to make sure that he was really gone.  
  
She turned back around heading into the Magic Box again. Her ritual ended.  
  
"I didn't mean expected in that way." Xander told Buffy gently, slightly confused by his friend's actions before, "Buff, She's not a little kid anymore. She hasn't been one for a long time."  
  
"Don't you think I know that Xander?" Buffy snapped at him, "I just didn't expect my little sister to be boinking a vampire. especially that vampire." She turned to look at all of them seriously. Buffy sighed deeply remembering how badly Spike had hurt her. This thing between Dawn and him just magnified the blow to her ego making her feel defenseless  
  
May 7th 2002: The Summer's House.  
  
Buffy leaned over the off white bathtub, starting to let the water flow. She adjusted the water's temperature so it wasn't too hot or too cold. She grimaced at the pain in her back as she had leaned over to turn the water on. That damn vampire in the graveyard!  
  
"How hard are you going to kick when you're dust?" She had challenged it, another witty pun, and of course the vampire had kicked pretty hard when he turned to dust.  
  
"That was rhetorical." Buffy had groaned after being thrown sharply against a tombstone breaking it in half.  
  
"You hurt?" Spike asked concerned standing in the doorway. Buffy gasped slightly, she hadn't expected Spike to come, and she really didn't want to deal with him that moment.  
  
"Get out." She directed him strongly, holding her head upon her shoulders.  
  
"We need to talk." He insisted to her.  
  
"I really don't." Buffy told him straightforward not wanting to cause any arguments. She stood her ground.  
  
Spike's scintillating blue eyes seemed to pierce through her as he stated, "This isn't just about you - as much you'd like it to be."  
  
"You spoke. I listened. You leave."  
  
"I'm sorry." He told her softly; his voice was drowning in sincerity. Buffy looks at Spike his voice affecting her despite the hurt and anger she felt inside. Spike continued, "Not like it matters now, but I needed you to know that." He referred to being sorry.  
  
"Why?" Buffy asked him softly.  
  
"Because I care about you." Spike insisted.  
  
"Then you might want to try the not sleeping with my friends." A hint of a flare rang in her voice as memories of seeing Spike and Anya together came flooding back. How she had found out was even worse, she saw it with her own eyes catching the whole thing on camera live.  
  
"That's not." Spike started, "I didn't go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell." He explained.  
  
Buffy's anger started to rise, "You were going to use a spell on me?" She asked horrified at the thought.  
  
"It wasn't for you. I wanted something - anything to make this feeling stop," Spike started to sound like a tortured soul, but that was it. he didn't have a soul, at least not then, "I just wanted it to stop." He gave a beat, "You should have let him kill me."  
  
Buffy remembered Xander's anger, how he had had a stake hard against Spike ready to end his un-life right there and then, and she remembered stopping him. How the thought of Spike, her ex-lover, was so uncanny.  
  
"I couldn't."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You know why." Buffy told him softly.  
  
"Because you love me." Spike said so confident in himself.  
  
The silence filled the room, as the feeling in both them rise. It's going way beyond pain, and finally the truth comes.  
  
Buffy put him down as gently as she could, "No. I don't."  
  
"Why do you keep lying to yourself?" He asked her slightly pained by the words she spoke to him.  
  
Buffy sighed slightly, "I'm not saying I don't have feeling for you. I do. but it's not love." She paused, "I could never trust you enough for it to become that."  
  
The words hit him hard, he laughs, "Trust is for old marrieds Buffy," He leans in closer to her as he speaks feeling filling his voice, "Great love is wild and passionate. and dangerous. It burns and consumes."  
  
She finishes his sentence, "Until there's nothing left." She looks at him incredulously, "That kind of love doesn't last."  
  
He moves closer to her, both desperate and tortured, "I know you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore." Spike leans to kiss her gently; she stops him.  
  
"Spike-"  
  
"Let yourself feel it." He becomes more forceful.  
  
"Stop it." Buffy tells him. They struggle for a moment. Fear runs through her eyes as it becomes more rough, more accelerated.  
  
"You love me." Spike had always had a thing for becoming overly obsessive, it was just a quality for his, something he had no control over, not even when he was human.  
  
"Don't-" Buffy stumbled back grabbing the shower curtain as she fell, and the rings of the shower curtain pop off loudly. She gasps in pain again as her back hits the edge of the tub, and then her head. Buffy is dazed for a moment. She looks up and Spike is on her, pinning her down. He kisses her hard.  
  
"Let it go. Let yourself love me."  
  
Tears flood her eyes, "Stop it. please. stop."  
  
He touches her, "I know you felt it. When I was inside you."  
  
"Don't." She manages to push him off for a moment, but he catches her just as quickly pinning her wrists down.  
  
"You're going to let me inside you."  
  
"Please." Buffy is almost begging him now to stop, to let her go.  
  
"You'll feel it again, Buffy."  
  
"Spike, stop." He tears at her robe.  
  
"I'll make you feel it."  
  
"Stop!" She finally finds the strength to shove him back, he flies across the room cracking the wall and crashing to the floor. Buffy stands, trembling with both rage and fear. She reclaims her power.  
  
Her tears almost fall as she grits her teeth and looks at him fire in her eyes, "Ask me again why I could never love you." Spike glances up realizing how far he crossed the line.  
  
"Oh god. Buffy. I didn't-"  
  
Buffy interrupts him, "Because I stopped you. Something I should have done a long time ago."  
  
Sunnydale 2005: Back to the present  
  
Dawn stood in the Magic Box, holding the broken bottle in her hand, she looked at the bottle for a long moment before turning her gaze to the others. Her face was flushed as her chest rose and fell. Dawn took a deep breath before speaking.  
  
"How could you do it? How could you do it, Buffy." 


End file.
